The Stories We Tell Ourselves

Let another praise you, and not your own mouth; a stranger, and not your own lips. Proverbs 27:2
I grew up believing that if you had worth, others would notice and point it out, you didn’t have to promote yourself. That message still is with me and forms some of my reluctance at marketing. I struggle with it because it doesn’t feel humble, it feels arrogant and proud, and I was raised to quietly go about my business and not seek to be noticed.

I received a community award several years ago for being an outstanding mental health clinician. I didn’t know that I was even nominated for that award and attended the gala because I was invited by a community contact who I had known. I almost didn’t go, because my connection with her was not that close, but for some reason (God) I decided to buy an expensive dress and doll myself up and go with my husband.

While at this posh gala, I thought to myself, what am I doing here, this isn’t really my thing, but it was different and interesting. I sat with some friends from my community that I knew. When they announced the category for Outstanding provider of Mental Health Services, I was genuinely curious as to who it was. “Did I know her”, had we worked together in the past? I heard the name “Allison Bonilla”, and no lie, I turned to my husband and said “There is another Allison Bonilla in our community and I didn’t even know that. He, also in the dark, looked at me and both of us like fools looked around for a Latina who was a Doctor or something like that with my same name. They literally had to repeat my name three times before my friend who was sitting on the other side of me said “I think they are calling you, you need to get up and go receive the award”. I protested and heard the person on the stage say “is Allison Bonilla here”. Then another person also in my row who knew me said “Allison, they are waiting for you”.

I cannot make this scene up. It still echoes in my brain today. The scene of me awkwardly standing, not knowing what to do or where to go, firmly believing that as I walk down those dark theatre stairs I will trip, or worse yet the real “Allison Bonilla” will emerge and claim her trophy and I will be so embarrassed because I assumed that it was meant for me.

I made it to the stage without incident, accepted the award. I had no prepared speech, because I was thoroughly unprepared and babbled on about something then went back to my seat. The rest of the night and all the ensuing congratulations were a blur. If I didn’t have the pictures to prove it happened I would think it was a delusion or a dream.

​So you see, the story I tell myself is that others will see your worth you don’t have to promote, just quietly go about your business and people will notice and give you the spotlight in due time. It is a story that is challenged each time I try to put my name out there so that people could know of my service. I am happy in the background and the spotlight, though not scary feels presumptuous if I seek it out.

What story are you telling yourself that is hindering you from moving forward in your professional or personal life?