Have you ever found yourself explaining to God why your disobedience made sense?  I thought about this recently after a conversation with my grandson.

When I put him to bed, I took the TV remote out of his room so that he wouldn’t be tempted to turn on the TV and watch it instead of sleeping.  I got up the next morning to find the TV on, the remote on the floor and him sitting with the game controller in his hand.  He took one look at my face and said, “Grandma it was a live event.”

Not being a gamer, I didn’t know what that meant, so my husband took over.  He explained to our grandson that it didn’t matter what was going on, he had been sent to bed and was expected to be sleeping.  To which our grandson again said, “but it was a live event”.

Frustrated, my husband said. “I don’t care, did you sleep at all last night?”.  Our grandson looked down, and mumbled “it was live”.  He was clearly fixated on the idea that his taking the initiative not to miss a “live” event was somehow worthy of consideration by us, his grandparents.  It wasn’t. 

Like our grandson I think we sometimes get stuck muttering rationalizations that we insist that God should take into consideration when looking at our sin and our disobedience.

• But it’s just the culture; everyone else is Ok with it.
• I was raised this way, so it’s hard to change.
• My situation is difficult; I can’t be expected to do it the Godly way.

Whatever the rationalization, we repeat it over and over again when we are confronted.  We read something in the Bible that is convicting, so we pull out our rationalization. We hear a sermon that pokes at us, again we can defend against it with our rationalization.  Holy Spirit illuminates our sin and shows us clearly we are in error; we whip out that handy rationalization again.

It didn’t work for our Grandson, and it doesn’t work for us with God either.  He doesn’t say, “Ah, now I understand why my Word is for everyone else, but you are the exception.  Thanks for explaining it to me.”  He continues to, require obedience.
 
But Samuel replied: “Does the Lord delight in burnt offerings and sacrifices as much as in obeying the Lord? To obey is better than sacrifice, and to heed is better than the fat of rams.  1 Samuel 15:22

I know that sometimes obedience feels like a sacrifice, but God’s word says that it is actually better than sacrifice.  It tells God that we trust Him; it tells God that we trust that He is looking out for us and we believe that the distress we feel in obeying will yield a reward.

Our grandson after crying because his remote control and gaming remotes were all removed and he was told not to get out of bed until we told him he could, feel asleep (within 20 minutes).  He slept for 5 hours then woke up refreshed to start his school work.  He would have been miserable all day had he not gotten proper sleep and would have probably earned some form of discipline due to his emotional dysregulation due to his lack of sleep.  With proper sleep, he had a good day and was able to enjoy school with his peers.

When we obey God’s commands, we position ourselves to enjoy the opportunities that he opens up for us later in life.

​Can you identify your go to rationalizations that mute God’s voice?  Can you hear yourself saying like our grandson “but it was a live event” in the face of being confronted by God’s word.

​In the end it really comes down to this choice.
“See, I am setting before you today a blessing and a curse— the blessing if you obey the commands of the Lord your God that I am giving you today; the curse if you disobey the commands of the Lord your God and turn from the way that I command you today by following other gods, which you have not known.”  Deuteronomy 11:26=28
 
Sometimes rationalizations are why we struggle to balance our professional and personal commitments.  If you feel you have blind spots about your rationalizations, let's talk and identify them so that you can walk in obedience.

Let another praise you, and not your own mouth; a stranger, and not your own lips. Proverbs 27:2
I grew up believing that if you had worth, others would notice and point it out, you didn’t have to promote yourself. That message still is with me and forms some of my reluctance at marketing. I struggle with it because it doesn’t feel humble, it feels arrogant and proud, and I was raised to quietly go about my business and not seek to be noticed.

I received a community award several years ago for being an outstanding mental health clinician. I didn’t know that I was even nominated for that award and attended the gala because I was invited by a community contact who I had known. I almost didn’t go, because my connection with her was not that close, but for some reason (God) I decided to buy an expensive dress and doll myself up and go with my husband.

While at this posh gala, I thought to myself, what am I doing here, this isn’t really my thing, but it was different and interesting. I sat with some friends from my community that I knew. When they announced the category for Outstanding provider of Mental Health Services, I was genuinely curious as to who it was. “Did I know her”, had we worked together in the past? I heard the name “Allison Bonilla”, and no lie, I turned to my husband and said “There is another Allison Bonilla in our community and I didn’t even know that. He, also in the dark, looked at me and both of us like fools looked around for a Latina who was a Doctor or something like that with my same name. They literally had to repeat my name three times before my friend who was sitting on the other side of me said “I think they are calling you, you need to get up and go receive the award”. I protested and heard the person on the stage say “is Allison Bonilla here”. Then another person also in my row who knew me said “Allison, they are waiting for you”.

I cannot make this scene up. It still echoes in my brain today. The scene of me awkwardly standing, not knowing what to do or where to go, firmly believing that as I walk down those dark theatre stairs I will trip, or worse yet the real “Allison Bonilla” will emerge and claim her trophy and I will be so embarrassed because I assumed that it was meant for me.

I made it to the stage without incident, accepted the award. I had no prepared speech, because I was thoroughly unprepared and babbled on about something then went back to my seat. The rest of the night and all the ensuing congratulations were a blur. If I didn’t have the pictures to prove it happened I would think it was a delusion or a dream.

​So you see, the story I tell myself is that others will see your worth you don’t have to promote, just quietly go about your business and people will notice and give you the spotlight in due time. It is a story that is challenged each time I try to put my name out there so that people could know of my service. I am happy in the background and the spotlight, though not scary feels presumptuous if I seek it out.

What story are you telling yourself that is hindering you from moving forward in your professional or personal life?

​I noticed something disturbing recently as I watched a powerful sermon on YouTube.

What was disturbing was that it did not respect the sacred intimacy of the service. If you have been a Christian for any period of time, you may have experienced Sacred Intimacy. It is the ability to be surrounded by people in the house of God while worshiping or praying, but feeling the presence of only God. It may seem strange that there can be singular intimacy with God that is present even while you are surrounded by many people, but there is. Many, including myself have experienced it.

Picture yourself in the pews, with people all around you, but you feel the presence of Holy Spirit communicating with you, and only you. You become aware that Holy Spirit is healing, bringing comfort, guidance and strength. Holy Spirit is providing what you need in that moment, and no one and nothing around you matters.
Yes I can have that same experience at home, but there is something special about sharing it with several others at the same time in the same space. Intimacy in a crowd seems like an oxymoron, but there it is, a spiritual mystery.

When I watched the sermon online I was aware that the congregation was being videotaped and this distressed me. I wasn’t disturbed by the videotaping of the pastor or those on stage who were providing the teaching, announcements, or the music. I was only disturbed by the videotaping of the congregants. I felt like I was a voyeur into their intimate moments. If I were in the service I would not be looking around, I would be simply having my own moment with Holy Spirit. However the camera and the TV screen shared with me everything that was happening in this other setting, where I was not. It showed me the facial expressions as people listened and emotionally responded to what was happening in the service.

I witnessed people’s tears; I even got to hear prayers prayed over them by church leaders who were praying over those who came down to the front of the church for prayer. The camera showed me who lifted their hand for prayer when the pastor offered prayers for specific situations (“anyone experiencing problems in their marriage, anyone who is struggling with addictions,” etc.) I was now aware of who was struggling because they were caught up in the intimacy of the moment and with no thought to the cameras, they raised their hands and accepted prayer.

But there is no intimacy if a camera is recording everything. That is the issue I have with cameras in the church.

Yes I want to be able to attend service remotely, but I worry that churches forget that there are parts and aspects to their service that shouldn’t be broadcast beyond the people who are present at their meeting.

Am I wrong about this?

I don’t think so. I don’t think I want my tears to be memorialized in a video for hundreds and sometimes thousands to see. I am not an exhibitionist. I want my intimate times with my savior to remain so. God, myself and the few people who surround me in this public, yet private space are the only ones who can witness my pain. It is not for the masses.

Do churches need training on social media ethics and ways to maintain the privacy and intimacy of their worship services and prayer service? From what I am seeing online, the answer is “Yes”.

If you belong to a church that broadcast it’s services, is your church media department sensitive to this and conservative in what they show to people outside of the live event? I hope they are, but if they aren’t can you bring up this issue with them?

Yes we want to spread God’s word to the masses, but we also want to build and maintain a relationship with God that is loving and intimate. We want to make sure that we are not being like the world that says all experiences need to be documented and curated for the masses to gain clicks and likes on social media.

“And when you pray, do not be like the hypocrites, for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and on the street corners to be seen by others. Truly I tell you, they have received their reward in full. But when you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your Father, who is unseen. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you. Matthew 6:5–6

When we engage in worship, it is about a singular relationship, not a relationship with many. God has relationships with many; we have a spiritual relationship with one, The One. Our places of worship need to remain undefiled, like the marriage bed.

​Let’s keep our sacred spaces, sacred.

What do you do when your smart watch tells you it needs to be docked to recharge?  If you are like most people, you recharge it.  Why?

​If you don’t, it will die.

If you don’t recharge it, you will not be able to access the functions that you want to use.  The watches today provide a lot of data and being able to have this data is important.  This is why  you dock your smart tech, whether a smart watch or a phone.

Do you dock yourself when your body tells you it needs to be recharged?  Because if you don’t your brain won’t work as well.  There are so many functions that your brain does and they are compromised when your brain is tired.
Some reasons to recharge are:

• Timely recharging reduces likelihood of permanent damage due to low energy levels.
• Being charged up ensures accuracy of information.
• Recharging preserves the life for as long as possible
• Keeping charged allows you to access and integrate new knowledge.

Dock yourself, recharge for healthy functioning.

By the seventh day God had finished the work he had been doing; so on the seventh day he rested from all his work. Genesis 2:2 

​If you are struggling to balance being Productive with Resting and Recharging, let’s talk about what that challenge is and how you can overcome it.

​Leave a comment about what you do to recharge.

It’s January, have you failed yet?  If you haven’t, it may be because you haven’t attempted anything new as yet.

We often hear people talk about all they are planning to do in the New Year. Are you one of them? When will you start to do those new things?  What is stopping you from starting today?

Some people don’t start because they already know that they will fail.  They tried last year or a few years ago and it didn’t work out.  Yet with hope they said, I don’t want to abandon this goal, so they restate the same goal.  Yet they don’t move on it because failure is a foregone conclusion.

By February they stop even thinking about the goal and it will be viewed as another failure to add to the former ones.

This year I want to suggest that you reframe failure.  This year try a lot and fail a lot.  What I mean is that you should keep trying.  If you don’t try, you can’t honestly say that you failed.  Why is failure such a bad word?  It is a word that says something was attempted.  It is a word that hints at bravery, at hope.
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The honest truth is that most successes came at the end of a string of failures.  So try a lot, fail a lot, until your last attempt produces success.

​It’s that time of the year again; the time when many are sharing their word for the year.  The choice of your word speaks to your goals, aspirations and perhaps challenges for the upcoming year.  I always struggled to land on one word.  Life is so complex and multi-faceted that I found it hard to believe that one word would capture all that I have in my mind to do, accomplish or involve myself in.
That is why I love this verse in Psalm 119:103 which says; How sweet are your words to my taste, sweeter than honey to my mouth! Here is a part of the whole Psalms.
Psalm 119:97-104
97 Oh, how I love your law!
    I meditate on it all day long.
98 Your commands are always with me
    and make me wiser than my enemies.
99 I have more insight than all my teachers,
    for I meditate on your statutes.
100 I have more understanding than the elders,
    for I obey your precepts.
101 I have kept my feet from every evil path
    so that I might obey your word.
102 I have not departed from your laws,
    for you yourself have taught me.
103 How sweet are your words to my taste,
    sweeter than honey to my mouth!
104 I gain understanding from your precepts;
    therefore I hate every wrong path.
 
It confirms to me that although I may find it hard to focus on one word, I can depend on The Word.  I know that I have access to many words from God to reflect on during the year. 

• Words to meditate on when I am anxious and in need of peace and serenity (v. 97)
• Words to help me grow in wisdom and allow me to understand myself and others better (v.98-100).
• Words which show the better choices to make and what to avoid to keep me from bringing pain to myself and others (v.101).

In the Bible, God’s Word, the complexity of life and the provision and promises of  God are there to keep me focused.
This year I did choose a word.  My word is Faithful, but remember, if you are able to choose one word, don’t forget to also choose The Word this year.